it's been three years. sometimes i forget it ever happened, and i think about when the next time i'll talk to you will be. and then i remember that i'll have to wait to get to heaven. i see things and think of things that i think you'd like, and go to text them to you, and then i remember that you don't get very good service up there.
your birthday's in less than a week, you'd be 21, and i would've heard about your drunken craziness. i hope jesus throws you a party. (:
i'm going to frickin washington. i'll bring you whatever you want.
Watch the oceans as they fall, They fall on me so well
Light grows faint as i sink through the sea Fishing boats they pass by But no one throws a line for me i cry out, but the water fills my mouth And my adulteress ways, they do nothing to help these waves
-carter hulsey, mariana.
that's how i feel right now. i feel so consumed, and like i'm drowning. and that anyone and everyone who could help is either too far in distance or in their heart.
i want someone to hold me and i wanna cry like a baby and i want them to just lay there and hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay.
i'm sick of being the strong one, i wanna be the fragile one for once.
i had to write this for leadership with my youth group...
My favourite part of the first chapter of The Unquenchable Worshipper was when he speaks of the three ways to put out a fire: cool it (the example is with water), cut off the oxygen supply, and cut off the fuel supply. I enjoyed the part about cooling it most, and will expand my thoughts.
Redman says that the first way, cool it, is synonymous to how our hearts can also be dampened. That we can be ablaze for God but when we go through a hard time we can “cool off” or be dampened and we can lose our fire, and stop trusting, start doubting God. We take less time to look to the future, and we focus on everything that’s going wrong. We think that God has led us astray or that He’s left us or took away His protective guard and let bad things happen. We let ourselves think that we are still “Christians” but we’re not, because we’re not doing what God says, not living what we should be and we can’t evangelize because we are in need of it ourselves. A broken person can’t heal a broken person. A lost person can’t lead a lost person. However there are some people that don’t allow themselves to be dampened. They continue to live with all their fire and let it get brighter and brighter through anything they endure. This is the worshipper we all should strive to be. Totally on fire and if we’re not already oblivious to everything except Him, we should choose to be. Nothing else matters. Your job, schooling, friends, none of them will help you when you need it most. If you are being attacked by a demon, fries and big macs aren’t going to come save you. Your PhD in math won’t either, and most likely your friends won’t, or can’t. God is the only one that can ever truly help you, and how some people choose to deny His existence or ignore Him is beyond myself.
